In my first year of university, more than a full decade ago, my drama professor would often conclude class discussions with: “any questions about life, love, the universe?”.
It’s strange that despite my rather limited (somewhat sheltered middle-income white prairie girl) life, I could never think of anything to ask. Though the universe is vast, life is long and ravenous, and love is complex, I managed to draw a blank every time.
Ah, back when I thought I knew everything I needed to know! When I thought things were just as they seemed and life was just what it could be! I thought treating myself to designer things would incite an automatic sense of self-worth in the invisible dark parts of me, I thought decisions about love and ideals could be cut and dried.
Not that now I am a cynical old maid or anything. Life, I think is more interesting now than it was then; more layered, more curious. Things that seemed obvious are now clouded with feelings and histories and beauty in their own right. I see that human relationships get entwined and complex and irrational and illogical. And I think that that is ok.
For this, the last week of my 29 years, Saturn is in full Return. I look back and I look forward, I look out and I look in. I guess I still don’t have any questions about life/love/the universe. It seems that they have revealed a lot about themselves over the years that I thought I knew already or had never thought to ask, and I suppose I can only expect them to keep doing just that. Same goes for the people who have drifted into my life and stayed… Same with myself too, I guess. Learning through doing, like I always have.
Here’s to turning THIRTY! Let’s have a ball.