Category Archives: joz’ tidbits

joz' tidbits, Lessons, Love, Rants and Raves

Life/Love/the Universe

In my first year of university, more than a full decade ago, my drama professor would often conclude class discussions with:  “any questions about life, love, the universe?”.

It’s strange that despite my rather limited (somewhat sheltered middle-income white prairie girl) life, I could never think of anything to ask. Though the universe is vast, life is long and ravenous, and love is complex, I managed to draw a  blank every time.

Ah, back when I thought I knew everything I needed to know! When I thought things were just as they seemed and life was just what it could be! I thought treating myself to designer things would incite an automatic sense of self-worth in the invisible dark parts of me, I thought decisions about love and ideals could be cut and dried.

Not that now I am a cynical old maid or anything. Life, I think is more interesting now than it was then; more layered, more curious. Things that seemed obvious are now clouded with feelings and histories and beauty in their own right. I see that human relationships get entwined and complex and irrational and illogical. And I think that that is ok.

For this, the last week of my 29 years, Saturn is in full Return. I look back and I look forward, I look out and I look in. I guess I still don’t have any questions about life/love/the universe. It seems that they have revealed a lot about themselves over the years that I thought I knew already or had never thought to ask, and I suppose I can only expect them to keep doing just that. Same goes for the people who have drifted into my life and stayed… Same with myself too, I guess. Learning through doing, like I always have.

Here’s to turning THIRTY! Let’s have a ball.

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joz' tidbits, Rants and Raves

Breaking Habits

I bought a bottle of Minute Maid Cranberry Cocktail today. Only to read the label and find that it is “not a significant source of fibre, vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium or iron.”

Well pardon me for expecting any of those from a bottle of juice. I suppose I should know it as a bottle of Coca Cola in disguise.

It seems that life is one big bottle of Cranberry Cocktail these days, nothing is ever a significant source of anything, it’s all marketing and mis-packaged promises. All I want to do is burrow down into the ground in the woods and hide from it all.  Forget tv and especially forget Twitter and Facebook and Vine and Instagram and all the rest of the great BS machine out there.

But hey, the world is better than some of the alternatives, right? It’s all relative, so let’s be grateful that we have access to fake cranberry juice and real cranberry juice and freedom to choose for ourselves. If the margin of error is small enough does that mean we just disregard the losses for the sake of the whole?

Now you don’t know what I’m talking about. The world is upsetting and that’s all I can really express clearly at the moment.

Thanks for listening.

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joz' tidbits, Spirituality

Well hello.

What a pleasure to see you again. How have you been? Are you maintaining equilibrium amidst this crazy hectic version of a world we are living in? so much outside stimulus. Endless options for diversion.

Did you forget about the space? You know, the space at the heart of the atom. the space in between your spinal disks. space between each word, each breath, each thought, each moment.  between goodbyes and hellos.

What do you do with that space? Have you ever considered that the richness of that space determines the richness of your company? the “appeal” if you will that you have to the outside world? Nurture it. there lies your power, inside that space.

x

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Art and Beauty, joz' tidbits, Love, poetry, Spirituality

In the space between

something hovers

quivering and alive.

feed it two drops a day to

sustain it’s persistent heartbeat.

try to starve it, it will lie dormant

try to fatten it up, it will eat you whole up:

engulf your potentials

ravage your ego.

nurture it. slowly, lovingly.

give it only what it asks for

nothing more nothing less

keep on your own track

and the rewards are innumerable.

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joz' tidbits, Random, Rants and Raves

Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, anyway!

I like the telephone.

Remember in the ’80′s and ’90′s when we talked to EVERYone via the phone: personal calls, business calls, party invitations, reminders, wake-up calls, and plain old “how was your day?” calls?

But we’re in the future! We have no need for it anymore! We use convenient, texting, reductionist methods of communication!

- “C U l8ter fone!” -

But, oh! the landline!

That coiled rubber plastic finger slinky game while mind wanders and voice chatters!

Full silences where the tongue gives up its lost race with the mind, and thought completes the final lap alone.

Or the words have reached warp speed and the mind has to follow in their tracks.

And finally then, a wordless satisfied sigh from the one who reaches the finish line.

I, for one, still prefer the telephone to the everyday multi-tasking frenzy of poly-texting-chat. What can I say?

Phoning people far away and dear to my heart is somewhat like the old days; intangible ties completing our communication. Hours of talk that cover all manners of detail and use all levels of intellect.

But I mostly use the phone to talk to strangers… Up to 65 of them daily, in fact, averaging 3 min. and 44 sec. each. – To make each day bearable, I list the crazy names (Isme Butt and Janizelle and Zakarias Zakaburikaz) and I savour my share of sweet connections that keep my soul satiated. (Like the woman who lived at 1150 Haro in Vancouver, just a block from my old Haro Flat.)

————

Maybe Siri will learn to have a “how was your day?” conversation soon. Until then I’m with Blondie, I guess I’m just 2 legit 2 quit.

———–

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Art and Beauty, joz' tidbits, Rants and Raves

Everyone wants someone for Valentines’ Day.

Sounds obvious, I know. But may I just point out to you, the odd few that come to visit my random tidbits, that love is a year-long blessing that we get. And that even to say that today is just “a reason to celebrate love” is to blaspheme everything I believe in!

That’s not to say I think we shouldn’t love each other today, but that rather we should strive every day to love ourselves and each other, with the kind of love that lets us be who we are now, doing the best we can with what we have.

Too much expectation in this world, even when we pretend it isn’t there.

So Happy UNvalentines’ Day! may we strive to know ourselves ever deeper as powerful individuals despite this superficial corporate bullshit holiday that shoves outward Romance and Relationships down our throats.

xo

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joz' tidbits, poetry

the wet street is deserted tonight the rain is keeping it that way
an old couple in their slickers chat as they walk briskly by
their voices echo off the empty street, not loud enough to be deciphered
Morse Code of long-endured love

a young couple meanders; the scraping high heels resounding on the cement betraying their late-night inebriation
from an ember-lit hand resting on the sill, smoke drifts out of the upstairs window
cloaked by the rain no one sees her

the empty street eases her empty heart
together they are not lonely
though the pleasure of good company cannot be denied, solitude has a certain sweetness.

-written Nov. 24, 2012 -

invisible

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Art and Beauty, joz' tidbits, Spirituality, travel

Reviving the Will of my Spirit

Hello Love,

I know it’s been a while, but I really lost my drive to put words to experience this year. Frankly I had spent many years in a cognitive spiritual phase:  Working the hard way towards Enlightenment through mental activity – books/girl talks/ youtube videos.

Then last November, I dated a guy who was blatantly stuck in his cerebral spirituality. At first we talked a lot and seemed on the same page. He also read and understood a lot of fascinating things, but as our relationship deepened to actions, it became quickly clear to me that our connection was shallow. I realized that any actual understanding of the workings of the universe has to happen outside of the brain.

** Sidebar – I saw a psychology video recently that stated that “the brain controls every aspect of our lives” and it was comical to me… “is it just me, or is it convenient that the brain came up with that idea?” I thought.**

I resolved to NEVER KNOWING: Purposefully neglecting my intellect, doing consistent physical and emotional check-ins that involved nothing more than acknowledging that something was present and allowing it.

The spring months were made up of turbulent uncertainty and continual accidents involving my iPhone (perhaps because of an earlier post titled The Habit of Making Space…?) I unplugged from technology and plugged back into my internal environment. I spent a LOT of time alone. If I felt any particular emotion towards another person, I purposely retreated to find my balance.

Things were really crawling along. Patience in this world is a top commodity.

In June, I went to Seattle. I don’t know if it was mixed into the air coming off the Puget Sound, but something my cousin Jeff said in passing triggered a dramatic shift in my perspective:

“The Muni Tribe believed that starch in the diet stifles people’s will.”

I suddenly remembered my own will! The one that I had tucked secretly away, so many years ago, when I was learning to please those around me.

A feeling unravelled underneath my cerebral understanding. That feeling that I had been counting on for so long to evolve of it’s own volition and change my default settings! It appeared in an instant, shooting up and through me: a formless but powerful will! (I can’t tell you much more than that because I don’t think words can reveal it.)

But now it is here and so present in my day-to-day experiences - My life has become a series of easy choices: healthy food and friendships, productive activity and bubbling creative desires. Inspired actions replace forced ones. My various projects are moving forward of their own accord. My brain has given up the driver’s seat. For now.

Why not cut back on starches for a day, and see what your will has to say!

Seattle 2012

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joz' tidbits, resources

The Habit of Making Space

Following a suggestion in Twyla Tharp’s book The Creative Habit: learn it and use it for life, I decided to cut down certain distractions and time-wasters, like a diet for my creative health. As technology is my own time consumer, I chose to do a technology cleanse.

I vowed to use my iPhone only as a clock and phone. I thought, if I can limit my internet/email usage to once a day on the laptop, then that is a start. I deleted the Facebook app, moved the email app out of immediate sight, and even resolved not to listen to constant music.

The most noticeable space this opened up for me was my time “in transit” – I started noticing the world around me much more: the people on the bus, the soundtrack that naturally occurs everywhere, the sunrise and sunset and flock of birds flying over the harbour. One day, while walking, I heard someone call out to someone that she knew. Unfortunately, her friend had headphones in and missed the opportunity entirely.

I also noticed on my breaks at work that the 1/2 hour got much longer. At first it was boring, until I realized that I  needed to ease myself out of efficient-busy-work mode into relaxation mode. I went for walks and sat in the sunshine in the churchyard nearby. I chose filler that maintained a state of non-activity.

What kind of cleanse do you need to go on? As Twyla says:

Once you’ve done without [one thing], it’s easy to come up with other distractions that invade your creative life without enhancing it. The telephone. The computer. The coffee shop. The car. The television (!). You get the idea. There are a lot of distractions out there – and you can live without them. At least for a little while.

The trick to making space is to avoid filling the void with another something similar.

Just think: if we contain atoms that contain 99.9999999% space, how do we discover what that space might contain?

—-

Tao Te Ching: Chapter 11
translated by Sanderson Beck (2002)

Thirty spokes are united around the hub of a wheel,
but the usefulness of the wheel
depends on the space where nothing exists.
Clay is molded into a vessel,
but the usefulness of the vessel
depends on the space where nothing exists.
Doors and windows are cut out of the walls of a house,
and the usefulness of the house
depends on the space where nothing exists.

Therefore take advantage of what exists,
and use what does not exist.

—–

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joz' tidbits, Philosophy, Rants and Raves

It’s funny

It’s funny to me that we get so caught up in our minds, in our perceptions, in our ruts.

We forget how many ways something can be considered, how many factors can change from one moment to the next. We repeat an opinion to ourselves in between all the opportunities we take to state that opinion out loud to those we know.

Why are we so afraid of being surprised by ourselves? by others? by the world in general? It’s true that it can seem so comforting to feel like I have a “handle” on a situation, like I know something about how it will all turn out.

The truth is that no matter how many similar situations I’ve seen or how much I feel I know myself or the others involved, there is always an uncontrolled variable, one ingredient that I cannot account for – new revelation of information.

I am starting to understand that despite my greatest efforts otherwise, I am constantly evolving – self-actualizing… whether or not I am doing anything, my senses are gathering insight and information on various levels – my skills and sensibilities develop of their own accord, and my internal emotions and fears are rumbling around waiting for particular moments to be made visible in order to be properly processed and expressed.

Being a human being is already a whole lot of crazy from one day to the next, without even considering the world that exists outside of those seven layers of skin. Let’s strive to be gentle with ourselves (and others) as we dig ever deeper and become (ideally) ever wiser.

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